Heart's Cove

Heart's Cove

A new up and rising sim just opened in Second Life.

Created for people who are willing and open to accepting others no matter creed, race and faith. This sim has a basis in the D/s lifestyle with education to promote tolerance of lifestyle choices.

All are welcome to come.

A beautiful sim  worth exploring.

 

Heart's Cove Went Winter! Come Check out the Light display!

The Healthy Submissive...

"Discipline gives total freedom; it allows you to go beyond your limitations, to break through boundaries and reach the highest goal. The path to discipline will not only save a person's life, it will also give it meaning. How? By introducing him to deeper joys and deeper longings, by creating a silence in which the whisper of the heart can be heard. Truly, discipline is the road to liberation."

 

--Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

Very often the woman becomes aware of submissive feeling and does not understand what they are. As they begin to understand and learn more about these feelings, often one of the first thoughts is that they are sick with a mental illness, maybe worry about a personality disorder?"

I am writing here not ONLY about the sexual aspects: "am I sick because I get turned on by images of being taken, used, forced, swept away by masculine energy more powerful than my own?"; I am also writing about the nonsexual aspects of being submissive: "am I sick because I yearn to depend on, and follow the lead of, a man stronger than myself?"

I will attempt to address both aspects in this essay.

What precisely fuels this kind of question, "am I sick?" Why would a woman discovering the language of her nature think she has a mental disorder? Or at the very least, have something very wrong with her?

A submissive discovers, or more properly, realizes and acknowledges that she functions AT HER BEST in relation to another. And the more intimate, holding, containing that relationship, the better she feels and the better she performs in cardinal areas of adult life: work, friendships, and parenting. Realizing she is at her best in such relation makes her wonder why she can't do it for herself? Why does she need such a relationship to accomplish what she should be able to do for herself?

In thinking about this, I have come to question the cultural determinants of what is considered the highest good. Here in Western society, we place highest value on independence, on "pull yourself up by the bootstraps", on the lone pioneer, the trailblazer, the less needy and more self sufficient. We value competition over cooperation, tangible achievement over achievement in relationship. We pay big bucks to men (and the few women) that run big corporations, and less to the nursery school teachers, the nurses, the secretaries, the social workers, the caregivers rather than the producers.

There is something wrong with believing that such independence is the only good. It is especially wrong for the most relatedness-oriented among us, the submissive female.

Part of the newly aware submissive's task is to separate out the internalized voices of her culture: those voices that tell her she is too needy, too dependent, too focused on the others in her life. Once she can articulate what those voices tell her, she can begin to question not HERSELF, but the validity of those internalized values, using her own yardstick to measure her life, rather than our culture's standard.

We can see how perspective is critical in understanding a phenomenon. In a study of moral development in children, for example, Dr. Robert Cole, in a study of moral development in children, researched how children decide what is good and right. To do this, he presented several scenarios describing a moral or ethical dilemma, presented the scenario to school age children, and analyzed the results. The description of the study here is to illustrate the nature of cultural bias and it's impact on individuals.

One of Dr. Cole's scenarios was as follows:
A man has a very, very sick wife, so sick she could die if she doesn't get a particular, very expensive medicine. The man doesn't have the money for the medicine, so in desperation he steals it from a pharmacy.

The children are asked questions about this scenario. Cole found that boys tended to conclude that the man should be punished, because the law is the law, and nobody should break the law. Cole saw this as a higher order of moral reasoning, reflecting the statement, "a nation of laws, not of men." That is, that nobody is above the law, and the rule of law is not defined by situation. The boys applied an abstract universal principle to a singular instance. Cole understood this ability to transcend the personal as a "more evolved" form of moral development.

The girls were deeply troubled by the scenario, and most of them sought ways to solve the man's problem within the context of relatedness: they wondered if the man could ask the pharmacist for the medicine, and offer to work for him to pay for it, or pay him back later. They wondered if the man had friends who could help him pay for the medicine, and they believed he shouldn't be punished for his act of desperation. Their sense of right was situational, and defined within the context of relatedness. They did not come to articulate an abstract universal principle, but sought to solve the problem within the context presented. Cole saw this as a less logical, lower order of moral development because the girls could not emotionally distance themselves from the central human drama in the scenario.

After Cole's work was published a woman named Carol Gilligan reviewed the studies that Cole had done and reanalyzed them, in a book called, "In a Different Voice." Rather than seeing the boys' responses as evidence of "higher" development and the girls' as "lower" she redefined them as different. And she pointed out that the girls responses, so firmly rooted in human context and relatedness were devalued by a society in which the typically masculine is of more cultural worth than the typically feminine. She asked, "why is it considered a 'higher' order of moral development to value universal principle over human context?" and in so doing highlighted the sexism inherent in the analysis.

As we can see, this type of analysis is extremely useful in understanding typical submissive conflicts. We tend to ask the wrong questions: "am I bad, sick, weak?", when we should be asking, "is there something missing from the yardstick I use to measure myself?"

If one looks at capacity for relatedness as strength, as a good, then it becomes clear that the submissive has a talent for this, for relatedness. And that seeking a partner who can meet her need for this relatedness is a good thing, a healthy thing.

If we begin our analysis without the cultural assumptions about what is of "higher" value, we can begin to understand that it is possible for a woman to be submissive, and to be healthy. And we can try to imagine what a healthy submissive functions like, and how she developed her adult personality. Let's start backwards, and ask ourselves, what might a healthy adult submissive woman "look" like, psychologically speaking:

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.

2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.

3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.

4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.

5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.

6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.

7. The healthy submissive is playful.

8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.

9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.

10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.

11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.

12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.

13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.

14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.

What makes a woman a submissive?

As with all conjectures about human development, the answer is likely two-fold: a combination of nature and nurture, biology and environment.

There is a whole body of literature that makes observations about temperament. This literature talks about the variations in behavior in infancy as a manifestation of temperament: the expression of regularity, responsiveness, and reactivity. In the area of regularity, some infants are regular and predictable from the get-go: they sleep regularly, wake at predictable intervals to nurse, and have predictable periods of alertness in which they begin the earliest socialization. Some infants are irregular: they will one day sleep for an 8 hour stretch, then be awake all night, the next day they will sleep for one hour intervals through a 24 hour period. In the area of responsiveness, some infants will find novelty and intense stimulation aversive, and will withdraw or become irritable when presented with those; some infants are stimulated to engage and explore novelty and intense stimulation. Some infants have high thresholds for sensation, requiring a relatively intense stimulus to become aversive, some have low thresholds, and respond to mild stimulation. Some infants will for example, be intensely distressed by a wet diaper; some will not register discomfort until diaper rash sets in.

The sum total of these innate, biologically founded responses make up temperament. It is easy to see what people mean by an "easy" baby: one who sleeps, eats, and eliminates regularly and predictably; one who has a moderate response to stimulation, neither withdrawing nor reacting intensely; one who is drawn easily into social exchanges, and provides pleasurable reinforcement of socialization with their caregivers, one who is easily "read" and easily comforted, one who accepts change without undue distress.

I think one of the traits in this biologically grounded array that makes up temperament is common to all submissives. And that is social responsiveness. I would suggest that the baby who is temperamentally "set" to register and respond selectively and sensitively to social cues has the seeds of submissiveness in her nature. This is the baby that will search the environment for a human face; who will be attuned to, and very responsive to the human voice; who will preferentially and selectively attend to, and process, human interaction.

This baby, as she grows into childhood, will be easy to control, to shape, especially if she is temperamentally on the "easy" side. This little girl will be exquisitely sensitive to criticism and correction, to disapproval, to praise. Rather than requiring a raised voice to correct, a raised eyebrow will often do.

Even further, this little girl will be exquisitely sensitive to nuance: she will know when others are angry, hurt, sad, bewildered even when they are not spoken about. She has a "sixth sense" about people.

As children do, she requires the adults in her life to validate her perceptions when appropriate. Let's say her parents are troubled by a financial stress, and like good, responsible parents seek to shield her from their stress. The child will pick up on the unspoken tension, sensitive as she is to subtleties of body language, voice pitch, facial expression. She might inquire of her parents what is wrong, and be told "nothing is wrong, honey... go and play." This leaves the child confused: she knows in that way that she knows, that something is wrong. But her perceptions are not validated. She is told nothing is wrong. But her parents, who are not at their best, may be a little short with her, and picking THAT up too, she goes off to play concluding that she must have done something wrong, to be sent away. Part of this is the megalomania of childhood, part of this is a reasonable and logical synthesis of resolving the child's felt sense of things with what she is told.

This kind of interaction, repeated over the years, in the BEST and most loving of families, leads to an adult personality in which there is some anxiety associated with relatedness. The submissive female learns to scan the social environment for signs of trouble, seeks to "fix" the trouble, and all too often, believes herself to be the cause of the trouble. If someone important is tired, the submissive has exhausted them. If someone important is angry, the submissive must have angered them. If someone important is disappointed, the submissive must have failed them.

This trait, this interpersonal sensitivity in its highest expression is when the submissive accurately registers interpersonal nuance, and responds to it with a minimum of self-referral, recognizing that other's emotional states may have nothing to do with the submissive herself. This is how it works for the healthy submissive, who as an adult, often finds great fulfillment working in fields such as social work, nursing, medicine, counseling, teaching.

There are certain vulnerabilities a child constituted with a submissive nature faces.

Because of her intense awareness of interpersonal nuance, she is highly sensitive to both criticism and praise. When criticized, she is likely to feel intense shame; when praised, intense pleasure. Since the shame feels so bad, and the praise so pleasurable, she becomes a people-pleaser. This tends to lead to the development of what psychologists call "an external locus of control." Meaning that child bases her self assessment (am I good or bad?) on factors outside herself. The female submissive defines herself based on what others tell her she is.

Parents have enormous responsibility with such an easily influenced child. Nascent talents can either be nurtured or aborted with just a word. This child will likely live up, or down to, whatever is expected of her. Expect more than she can constitutionally do (like academic, athletic, or social success) and she will develop an intense sense of inferiority. Praise her out of proportion to her talents (this is the BEST drawing any child EVER did) and she will develop an inflated sense of self. Accurately and sensitively validate her real abilities and talents, and she will seek goals appropriate to her ability, and take pleasure in achieving them.

When the environment is reality based, sensitive, and balanced, the child grows up embracing her special ability to be "related" to others, to be sensitive, and has a sense of self in reasonable tune with her true abilities and vulnerabilities, neither excessively self effacing or self aggrandizing.

But if development should go awry, as it too often does for this child, the personality traits she has develop in a distorted manner, and cause her difficulties.

In dysfunctional families, this child suffers more than others with tougher hides, less reactive temperaments. She is often the one singled out for physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Her very nature makes her available for use: for the parent's angers, frustrations, sexual impulses, or narcissistic gratification.

When a submissive child is misused in this fashion, she is unable to utilize her interpersonal talents in a constructive way. She must either develop rigid defenses that constrain her ability to be flexible as an adult, or be blown about by the winds of others emotions all her life, or become stuck in what are popularly called, "co-dependent relationships."

Women who emerge from childhood with these traits will be more or less consciously submissive in that they are STILL able to be molded, controllable by others. Those who don't consciously seek a Dominant partner will naturally gravitate to a man who influences, controls her in a benevolent manner. Who accepts her, loves her, nurtures her, and values her sensitivity.

Those who consciously seek a Dominant partner are those who are perhaps, so sensitive that they require not only benevolence, but someone who understands PRECISELY how tractable and responsive and is capable of using the power to mold her and influence her deliberately and consciously, for her good and the good of the relationship.

In that kind of relationship, the submissive is freed to be all of herself. She is safe enough to feel her exquisitely sensitive reactions to others, to play like a child, to give care and to take care, to be angry, to lose shame.

There is a strength beyond measure in self knowledge and acceptance. There is freedom in jettisoning shame, in letting go of "should."

To know oneself as a submissive woman, to accept that it is neither the terrible thing that society tells us it is, nor the only right and true way to be for OTHERS, is to be free. What is, is.

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip someone else's  soul bare, and the power to stand naked.

Do not mistake following for weakness, for it is not. Do not mistake yielding for weakness, for in yielding there is resilience. Do not mistake the submissive's need for relatedness for inability to be alone.

Submissive women are not weaklings. They are sensitive people who have a great deal of resilience in the face of their particular challenges.

Submissiveness is a strength seeking a proper context.


 By Yalda Tovah

Daddy Things.....

Daddy things:

Isn’t something that you stop doing as soon as you log off
Is making sure your little has everything she needs to be happy
Isn’t a game
Isn’t just fucking someone and having them call you daddy
Isn’t supposed to be so damn serious all the damn time
Is making the one you care for smile, laugh, chuckle, giggle and belly laughs
Isn’t a choice he makes
Is a important decision for her to make
Isn’t forgetting her important dates and canceling plans
Is to be her everything
Isn’t all fun and games all the time
Is holding her hand just so she knows you’re there for her
Isn’t a decision made by him just because he says so
Is an intense game of trust, belief, sanctuary, eroticism and experimentation and give and take
Isn’t about commanding and ruling over someone
Is when she feels protected without you doing anything
Isn’t a one night stand out a quick relationship
Is being there for someone and one someone only.
Being a daddy isn’t for a limited time only
Being a daddy is to protect and serve she who needs protecting and serving…

So potential daddy dom out there… Take note. I’m no expert but when you hear a lot of littles complaining about the same things with daddy doms, you start to sense a theme.

Daddies… There are littles out there looking for you but you have to fix up and come correct, otherwise the wool of your jumper that you wear to hide your true ways will begin to unravel before you’ve even realized it and she’ll eye you for the shit you are.
And an unhappy little is simply heartbreaking.


Source: http://daddybearthings.tumblr.com

A Little About Adult Baby Girl..

About Adult Baby Girls 

 Special thanks to "Poppi"

Adult Baby Girls or Baby Girls are grown women who like to let their inner child make appearances in their day to day life.   Adult Baby Girls are often not found far from their “Daddies” who are their boyfriends or husbands that take on the role of caregiver for their baby girls.   The idea of Baby Girls may sound silly or may seem demeaning however this is the furthest from the truth.  I personally know several baby girls that hold very high level executive level roles in major corporations, yet when it comes to life outside of work, they dress up in frilly pajamas, color, play dolls and eat giant lollipops while loving to push their boundaries with their Daddies.

At first glance to the average person will see this role and think it is ridiculous.  I would argue that these relationships are very stable and allow the participants in these relationships to reach great success in life.   There is an entire branch of Psychology dedicated to the the thoughts of an inner child, and many therapies are created as a result of people stuffing their inner child and not fulfilling the basic needs of their inner child.    This is really what being an Adult Little Girl is all about.


While often linked to more naughty elements of the relationship, Baby Girls will likely focus on things that kids like to do versus more grown up things.    You will find littles partaking in crafts, and don’t be surprised if they love to scrapbook (a perfectly normal grown up activity that allows coloring and cutting and pasting).   They will also enjoy watching those awesome Teenage after school shows instead of more serious dramas.   Sleep overs, group outings to malls, and other teenage activities are often high on their list of things too do.


Just like many dominant/submissive relationships as a “daddy” you can begin to pick up on little tendencies in day to day life.   It may be a subtle snack  like teddy grahams, or fish crackers instead of a granola bar.   They may put peanut butter on their celery and cut the crust off there sandwiches.    All sublet hints and their preferences that may not be accepted in their mainstream environment.    You may notice a preference for specific characters, like Hello Kitty, Care Bears or Betty Boop, or even brightly colored fingernails, or even mismatching socks which is also cool with the kids these days.    You will see a subtle preference for people who might seem to take control of the situation, or offer advice in an authoritative manner.  When playing sports, you might see Pig Tails versus a traditional pony tail or single braid. But sometimes the biggest indication is the language they use when describing their interests or relationships.


It is important to know that while ABGs may seem to be meek and mild and even submissive,  you will not see this side unless you have earned a little’s trust.    Even when their inner child decides to come out and play, their adult self is never far behind and will take control of the situation if they are not in a safe environment.   Even if this isn’t the case, you can do more harm if you try to take advantage of a baby girl.  Just like all relationships a Daddy/Girl relationship needs to be a win/win relationship in which both parties are committed to a positive relationship.

Babygirl

  There are similarities between a baby girl and that of a young child, but the similarities stop there (baby girl/Daddy Dom is NOT an incestuous relationship). As a young child admires and respects her Father, so does a baby girl. A young child also requires lots of attention and affection, as does a baby girl. . A Daddy  Dom will treat His baby girl as His most prized possession, one that He guards with His life. A young child also longs for guidance, a Daddy naturally teaches His girl all that He knows, all that He wishes her to be. A baby girl longs to learn and if allowed to question that which she doesn't know or understand, enabling a Daddy to guide her, fulfilling His need as well.
I am submissive by nature, I always have been. Some may see that as a weakness, when in reality it has enabled me to live a life pleasing to both myself and others. A submissive oftentimes takes on roles in her everyday life that may seem contrary to her submissive nature, be it in her professional life or personal life. A girl's ability to listen to others wants and needs, her flexible nature and her need for 'peace' in her life, all promote success in her career and ability to raise a family. It is though, her relationship with her Daddy, when she is allowed and expected to be herself, that is most fulfilling to her submissive nature.

In order for a baby girl to truly be herself with her Daddy, its vital that she find the One that she trusts completely and without hesitation. This trust starts outside of the 'dungeon'. Her trust must be unwavering and is a necessity before the relationship can be fulfilling for B/both. A girl's submission and trust is her gift to her Master, a gift that must never be tarnished by her Daddy. A Daddy is unwavering and consistent, which allows you to trust without hesitation. you know you've found the One meant for you when you can say and honestly feel as though there is nothing that your Daddy would ask, that you'd not do.

Communication is a gift that a girl gives her Master

It is said, by many within the BDSM community and the ‘vanilla’ or traditional lifestyle as well, that communication is key to a successful relationship. Honesty and Trust is the foundation for the ability to communicate openly. Sometimes it seems that this trait is assumed by many to be the norm in a BDSM relationship. It oftentimes is skirted over as something easily offered and expected by a Master of His girl. He is of course correct in His assumption of the expectation for her to be honest and open with her feelings but it is at times difficult for her to do so.

 i have found that in order to be completely open, i must first realize what feelings are deep within myself. Sometimes they haven not been pleasant ones (i.e.: impatience, jealousy, frustration). Sadly, i have found that is much easier to act upon these feelings by being flippant, disobedient and sometimes even rude, than it is to have the self-control i long for.

It takes great insight and strength for a Master to deal successfully with these bottled up emotions. It is after all, His place to call her on it, to understand that her actions may be deeper seeded than simply of a psychical nature (temper tantrums and the like).

When you are allowed to talk, to cry, to tell Daddy your deepest, darkest secrets and fears, you are truly set free and express who you genuinely are. A Daddy guides you and molds you into what He knows you are capable of being. It is not that He is unsatisfied with who you are currently, it is that He gains much satisfaction in watching your growth. As you are allowed to express everything you feel, you begin to slowly blossom into the rare and beautiful creature He saw in you , something you've never seen in yourself . When you are able to communicate all that you are , all that you feel and all that you long for, your  Master is the Benefactor. With great pride, He watches as you open each petal and accept each suggestion, blooming into the submissive He knows you've longed to be .
Safe Haven
Am i the only one who leads a hectic life? Trying to juggle one’s career, family, home and all the responsibilities that encompass such, can make you tired just thinking about it!
Yet there is one place, i know i can always find serenity. Within my Daddy’s arms, in His words, in the comfort of His presence, i call home.

Those outside the lifestyle might look at a submissive and consider her to be weak. Those of us within the community realize the sheer strength it takes to submit completely and without question. In order to be a part of that “exchange of power”, a girl has to feel completely safe with Whom she chooses to call Master.

I feel it necessary to explain this ‘safe haven’ concept, once again from my own perspective, be it right or wrong, it is simply the experience I’ve had when it comes to Daddy Dom's and babygirl subs and my relationships in the past . I entered the lifestyle may as well say at birth , I was raised to please " man " by an overbearing Mother whom thought it was best for me to serve than to be served . Her own power trip for having to have had given birth to me or something in her own twisted mind , but as time went by I found bdsm was my lifestyle , I lived it for many years without even knowing it was an organized ( for lack of a better word ) lifestyle  and then i realized there was a community that accepted what I am and longed to be. I’ve spent years watching how others were and are treated , and been protected by some not so caring Daddy's and so called Masters .  Unfortunately, I  learned that not all are who they claim to be.  ( Not every good Master is a safe one and not all safe Master's are good One's ) For those experiences, I am forever grateful, for I came to realize what I was not looking for, as well as what I was.  My best piece of advice would be , be patient , watch and listen because  the moment you meet your Daddy,  you'll know He is the One.  Slowly,  develop a friendship, and when He deems it time, began a relationship.
And you'll find your safe haven

10 Considerations for Aspiring Dominants

1. Be Patient

Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no right to order him/her around. Give your sub, time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.
2. Be Humble

You may be God’s/Goddess’ gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself . No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Don’t set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
3. Be Open

Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in D/s-SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.
4. Communicate

You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing D/s-SM without this knowledge is like Russian roulette. Talk about your head-space and your view of D/s-SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.
5. Be Honest

If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.
6. Be Sensitive

There’s a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominant and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs and fantasies and your bottom’s needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
7.Be Realistic

End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favourite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don’t try to imitate them to the last detail.
8. Be really Dominant

Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from cigarette ads or macho stereotypes. Your dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Respect and trust are a two way street for the sub to to you, they must receive and give both trust and respect. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don’t shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role - now take it!
9. Be Healthy

Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don’t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of “drugs and alcohol don’t affect me that much… I can do it anyway” violates your submissive’s trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don’t want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn’t be playing the game!
10. Have Fun

After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play.
THE UNWRITTEN LAW: If your sub says the safe word, play stops. If play is not consensual it is abuse and you can be charged!!






Originally posted by fortheloveofsub

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dominant

 "Age play and Daddy play are often misunderstood to those outside of the kinky community.  One can assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender."

  The article below from guest author, Fetlife’s WizarDavid, gives a very accurate peek into the relationship of a Daddy Dominant and Babygirl.

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy,” and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl,” “little girl,” or “babygirl,” etc. Rarely is she called “daughter,” as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories any more than the general population.

The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants seem to share universally:

1.  Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for who she can become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He accepts her for who she is, flaws and all.

2.  And he knows all her flaws because he is also her ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant.” The one with whom she can talk about absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.

3.  He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people. Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes with a Daddy’s girl.

4.  Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never so happy as when he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers her on a regular basis, whether that be sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.

5.  He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.

6.  Anchor. The Daddy dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

7.  Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.

In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.

Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.

It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever.” Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.

A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be a Daddy. He may only need to have his innate Daddy characteristics pointed out to him. It might happen in the throes of a sexual activity when she exclaims “Daddy” for the first time, and the light goes on. Similarly, the little girl usually knows she needs a Daddy without having to be taught how to be his little girl. Once they identify themselves as Daddy/Little Girl, the draw is more powerful than many other forms of attraction, because it is rooted in deep-seated and old emotions that may not have any other outlet.

Girls in this lifestyle do not act like little girls in their normal work lives. They do not bring teddy bears to work. Indeed many are older women who are very assertive and successful in the business world, but need this special place to get nurturing and comfort lacking in their careers. A Daddy might not necessarily act parental or fatherly in his normal work life either. For some it may be role playing, for some it is a secret lifestyle, and other couples delight in the joys of unabashedly practicing the Daddy/girl dynamic in public. In any case, it evokes deep-seated needs and emotions for both parties, and is a very powerful dynamic.

While some of these characteristics could easily be applied to any good male-female relationship, there are some that require something quite different than the “50/50 partnership” that is so often touted as the most healthy. This is not 50/50. This is a Dominant/submissive relationship, and all the characteristics should be viewed through the lens of D/s.

And while many of the characteristics could also be easily applied to any good D/s or Master/slave relationship, there are some characteristics that are decided different. Not all Masters consider themselves their slave’s number one fan or her umbrella confidant. Teacher, guide, and anchor are not necessarily roles that a Master is required to adopt.

This is nowhere near a complete treatise on Daddy/girl relationships. It does not address the possibility that parent-child ego states (Transactional Analysis) are the preferred communication mode. It does not address the “play space” created by the Daddy for the girl to enjoy feeling “little,” or many other aspects that make D/g different from other D/s, M/s and similar dynamics. But this description of Daddy Dom characteristics will hopefully be useful as a baseline explanation of what makes a Daddy tick.


Big thanks to WizarDavid